gardenofdarkness

Hoping for an encore at the convention on saturday ;)

Am afraid my head will explode any sec right now. So much going on at the same time and so many thoughts are trying to fit in my head at the same time. Cant make sense of anythings soon. One sec it's all good the next I want to cry.
The stress this gives me is extreme and my sleeping problems are back, full scale! If just one of all the things would go away it would feel so much better. just one less thing to think about.

Will probably die during the convention this weekend and if not I'm pretty sure I'll spend the week in Spain sleeping. Have no idea how I'm supposed to get thru this weekend.
I know that you will be there and that it will help, for the moment. For right now thats all that is is, moments. What game have we gotten ourselves into? A dangerous one...



Only time will tell....

Making out at work is really nice... Just so you know *asg*

Had my other showing of my flat today and it went good. There is one more left and hoping for a good turn out. Managed to get a few things done today but there was something, someone that keep makinging me loose focus over and over again ;)

Am amazed with the fact how I can be so relaxed and comfortable with someone. How it comes that it feels so good just to be around someone, talk to someone. I know it's a cliché to say it feels like you known someone your whole life but that’s exactly how I feel. And I know you feel the same *smiles *





And "Never again" just flew out the freaking window and disappeared !!!!!! *asg*

The pain is still there so is the hurt but am moving on...
Made some decisions and even though not all might agree that what I do is the right thing it’s what I want. These choices weren’t really hard to make as in my heart I knew all the time.
Both will have to work hard for this.
In my mind I know what I feel and what I want and there are thoughts there that I will not tell a soul about. I also know that I’m not alone in what I feel, far from… Words are not always needed to express feelings and actions speak louder than words. Eyes tell far more secrets…
All I can say is that I know, I know far more than you think…

Hope to spend some time with JC before I go on vacation. He is stopping by at the tattoo convention but hope for more than that. To bad he couldnt go with us to Spain this time. Also hope to have some time with SC before I go. Maybe another walk or just dinner at Malmgrenska. Love the conversations we have. We have almost completely different pasts but still so alike in thoughts and views.





“Never again” is not an option!

It's funny (although funny is so not the right word to use now) how things can change so fast. How words that only takes seconds to speak can have such impact on so much. How it can flip your world upside down in an instant.
How love suddently can be mixed with hate. No not hate, I dont hate, I still love something that makes it even harder.
To be lied to by the one you love. Knowing the feelings are real, damn are they real but there suddently is no chance. For a part of the dream has been a lie. A lie that may not ever be forgiven.
A smal little "no" was really a "yes" and that just changed everything.

I have to live wit the fact that I've done something I swore I would never do. Although I'm the last one to blame here. I have done absolutely nothing wrong, more than to trust you. You are still so very special to me but right now I cant look at you.
One moment I was the happiest I've been in such a long time, then "Never again"...
Dont matter if it not my fault, if all the blame is on you, I'm still crushed.
You said you were sorry, wanted to be the one that comforted me, make me smile again. I'm sorry but you killed that smile and it was yours. You had it but you killed it.

"Besitos mi niña linda" words that I will never forget...

I'm the angel you say, then why am I being punished and not the bad ones? Apperantly being good dont pay off in this world.

Thank you SC for letting me rant and for dragging me out in the rain, I needed that so much.
And Sari for making me laugh when all I wanted to do is keep crying. The hurt didnt go away but the cold did.
And to you... *silence* *besos*

So was having a pretty shity evening yesterday. Plans that didnt work out as they should and shit like that but at 23:15 the sms that saved my day came. SC smsed and asked what I was up to. After some more smsm and calles we met up and took a taxi to town. Hit 3 different places before the night was over and had a blast. Started out with girl talk in a chill bar and ended with dancing at another place. Was exactly what we both needed.
Poor SC woke up pretty hangover this morning to we decided dinner was needed around 15 so met at a local reataurant here in the "hood" Over 4 hours of nice chatting and heavy girltalk mixed with the facts of life we called it a day.

Just had a nice talk with JC on the phone, was just as exhausted as I am hehehe

Will find out more about a flat that I'm interested in tomorrow. And now this shitty place is up for sale, finally! Wish I could move already! Well well, soon.

Thursday again and ofcourse we ended up at Kellys, where else!!?? Had some food and some cider before we (me and Jenny) went to town to meet Pernilla. Ended upp meeting here at the same place where JC works... I admit 10 % was on purpose *smiles*. I didnt protest when they said we should meet there. Funny thing is I didnt even have time to sms JC before he spotted me! Hard to miss?
Joined him outside as he took a small break. Was very nice to see him even if it want for that long. *smiles*
Oh and we did it again, or didnt do it... depends on how you look at it ;)

Hung out with Jenny and Pernilla for a little while before heading home.

Finally got the tickets booked for september. There are four of us going, wish it was five.

Tomorrow *smiles*

So had a great day today. Very very nice * Smiles * Got home from a Helsinki cruise that I went on with Pernilla and at this moment I’m so tired that I think I’m almost beyond death! We had great cruise and partied a bit and talked a lot. Didn’t get much sleep at all and I blame both the pillows and the party for that. And then that I went into it all already deprived of sleep didn’t help. So much for vacation when you end up even more tired after than before. Although poor Pernilla is both hangover and dead and has to go to Nypan later.

Went to work with Pernilla straight from the boat and helped her fix a little accident she had on the boat involving some evil curtains hehehe. Then I was supposed to meet JC at work but when I called him we decided to meet up at my place instead. Which I’m happy for in more ways than one. One of which being me longing for a shower.
JC came and we hung out until he had to go to work. Was almost falling asleep at one point but who can blame me ;) Atleast he wasn’t late to work.

Will be back to normal after I’ve gotten some food and sleep. Trying to do the last things around the flat this weekend as they will come and take pictures in middle of next week.

Already august! Damn where did this summer go? Not that it is over, far from.

So me and Pernilla managed to find a cruise. Not this week but next. Really looking forward to just get a change of location if only for a few days. Tried to get Jenny to join but she is working. Looking forward to her getting home from her vacation as I got so much stuff to tell her and update her about.
We have planned a Pride parade brunch on saturday so then we wil go thru the last weeks stuff. I got loads to tell *smiles*
Hoping that it will become more soon.

Had my realestate agent here today so now we are go on the sale. Will probably go out on the market already next week. Got a great deal and the expected price is very very nice.

Been on the phone a lot lately, sweet words *smiles*

Will be painting like mad this weekend but am hoping that I might get time over for some other things as do I hope others will.

Oh and I'm still just feeling better and better. Feels great!